No time in my lifetime (born in 1950) has it been more apparent that our culture is in serious need of a thorough dialog with regard to the deplorable state of integrity amongst and within us. A cavalier attitude toward commitments and  greed have infected us. This general lack of integrity has lead to record number of mental illnesses and prescriptions for depression, concentration, anxiety, fear, anger, despair…need I go on. Let alone the ongoing crisis with alcoholism and both legal and illegal drug addictions. Our financial and political institutions are notably infiltrated with those of dubious values and questionable integrity. How unfortunate it is that we now find ourselves throwing our nation’s wealth towards those who through their own institutional and individual lack of integrity have mismanaged and stole away the savings and ruined the lives of many decent hard working citizens. It is time for the masses to rise up and demand transparency, accountability, and candor. Have these institutions and leaders  said to us “Let them eat cake” ? This was a comment commonly attributed to Marie Antoinette…I guess she just lost her head there.

But wait, perhaps this crisis of integrity goes far beyond our financial institutions and our politicians; it may actually be present in our morning mirrors? Is our word our bond? Are we taking responsibility for our lives or are we choosing to be victims? Are we in denial of our own state of spiritual emptiness as well as petty and deprecating attitudes toward others? Are we basing our identity on the shortcomings of others? Are we being robbed of joy and health by our own failures to face and embrace the reality that “It Is, What It Is”. Only when we have clarity unobscured by emotionalism and sensationalism can we begin to develop and implement effective strategies for improvement. During my time on the nuclear submarine USS Kamehameha SSBN 642 it was well understood that for this mobile missile platform to continue to be a viable strategic deterrent it was necessary to know exactly where were were at all times so that our missile systems had credibility in reaching their potential targets. You gotta know exactly where you are if you are gonna get to where you wanna go.

Below I present a brief interpretation of both Inter and Intra Integrity along with some thoughts as regards what we can do to better both our lives and our society in this regard.

Inter Integrity

Inter meaning “between or among” as in international. In many ways inter-integrity is a much easier topic to address than its counterpart. Integrity between individuals is more easily evaluated and observed due to the inherent nature of seeing that we are or are not on the same page with one another. It is about being our word. Doing what we committed to one another that we would do defines being our word. Failure to do so not only disappoints and causes others to loose respect toward us; it also becomes an insidious parasite eating away at our own self esteem.

It is also about honesty with others. Do we engage in duplicity in our day to day communications? Do we give others the benefit of the doubt? Do we focus and respect the strengths of others? Do we engage in water cooler petty discussions and slanders or do we take the “High Road”? In John Maxwell’s book “Winning with People” he shares that in the many years of marriage counseling that he conducted as a minister, he came away with a quick litmus test on whether a couple was destined to succeed or not. The test was whether the couple had a higher opinion of their spouse than their friends did. Those that respected the strengths and talents of their spouse, rather than focusing on the other’s short comings, were much more likely to succeed in their marriage.

Lastly the issue of political correctness. We have on many levels found ourselves in a debilitating quagmire the perpetuates the notion the if we only just keep talking at each other and don’t do anything different things will get better. We are collectively unwilling to diagnosis our problems objectively and clearly because of the potential impact of change on one special interest group or another. If this were a doctor-patient analogy we would be demanding that the doctor tell us that there is no need to change and all is OK as it is. So now small illnesses now become large health problems. Do we need to wait for a”Significant Emotional Event” to have the courage to take care of things? Are we destined to mark time until the next literal “Pearl Harbor ” occurs? I say not…let’s begin to be honest about things being as they are, no so that we can blame or shame, but so that we can heal and grow.

Intra-Integrity

Intra meaning within as in intramural. In this case integrity with in ourselves. Are we honest about what we see? Do we take responsibility for our own lives? Do we have an attitude of “If it’s to be, it’s up to me”? This is a difficult area to reflect upon and explore because we may find that the enemy with out in reality has been all along the enemy within. How damning to realize, especially in our more mature years, that we were responsible for needless pain and suffering of others as well as for ourselves. For some the possibility that we have in some way lived a lie and misrepresented reality to ourselves may be nearly unbearable to face. Have we diverted attention from ourselves to others as a means of justifying our condition and forestalling any need to take action? The beauty of being a victim is “No Action is Required”..We may very well be the culprits in our own quagmire.

However, if we can acknowledge and transcend the initial impact of our personal accountability, we can now become empowered to see that which we have damaged or neglected is now very much within our power to heal, bring joy, and achieve harmony with ourselves and others. It begins with accepting things for what they are. In the Alcoholics Anonymous motto is the phrase “…. grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change…” I would encourage you to take this powerful saying and refine it to say…grant me the serenity to embrace the things I cannot change. For that which we resist will persist. When I was a much younger fellow and another driver gave me the middle finger signal it would anger me, and bring about some immature response such as returning the sign or tailgating the other person’s car. Today on those rare occasions of road rage that are directed at me, I respond with an apologetic shoulder shrug. I now believe that their behavior has nothing to do with me and reflects on some difficulty that person is having with their lives… it truly elicits compassion from me towards them; not in a manner of superiority, however, but one of seeking to understand that perhaps, they may indeed be facing some serious life challenges at home, work or within themselves.

To clarify a bit here I am not proposing that “Toxic” individuals or circumstances that do harm to us should be ignored. Quite the contrary, “It Is What It Is”. They are who they are, the circumstances are what they are, and by embracing the notion that they very well did not choose to be that way, we can remove the negative emotion out of the equation. We can now wisely side step these individuals and certain circumstances and not deplete our energies in confrontation, indignation, resignation or anger.

By living in harmony where our actions reflect our principle centered beliefs, we not only boost our self esteem and improve our sleep at night, but we are true to ourselves and those around us. We will then have a sense of confidence that we are where we are supposed to be and we are doing what we are suppose to be doing. Much peace of mind and personal satisfaction results and inner peace continues to close ranks within and around us.

The truth will make you free”, seek it out and embrace it! That which we resist will persist and remain our nemesis, while that which we embrace will dissolve around us and nurture our journey toward greatness in life.

“There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”
Hamlet, Act i.Sc.5.: William Shakespeare

Our days are full of opportunities and obstacles, knowing which is which, and then assessing them accurately makes the difference in how “Hard” or “Easy” the day flows. We all need to tune out unneeded information  to prevent sensory overload and pick out the wheat from the chaff so to speak. This discernment is  fundamental in allowing us to be effective in what we observe and interact  with… There are things to be done, people to meet…… “ I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep” so goes the poem by Robert Frost “Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening”. So naturally we must quickly sort through all the inputs, conditions and interactions around us to accomplish just about anything. Over time, we develop our own patterns for filtering out what is important. Unfortunately, as  our unique filtering mechanisms  evolve for us, there are key reactions and conditions that we either stay or become oblivious to. In these key pockets of ignorance are the great opportunities for us to advance our own condition. The challenge is how do we find these pockets of ignorance? How do we see that which can not be seen?

Let me digress to an example of the results oriented no nonsense leader. He has a clear vision of the end result and the needed actions to achieve the goal. His strategy is sound and the logic solid in making the journey from the mediocre conditions of today to the great successes for tomorrow. But embedded within this keen strategic mindset is a self limiting pocket of ignorance. The pocket for this is example will be called “ID” Ignorance of Defensiveness (in others). Well versed in the normal process of team evolution sometimes called “Forming” “Storming” “Norming” and “Conforming” he justifies resistance to new ideas as part of the normal reaction in the “Storming” step toward progressing change to a sustainable process. Because of his ID he spends far more energy and time than he needs to, had he been aware of his ID. By anticipating defensiveness in others, being patient, and communicating in a respectful manner that acknowledges the wisdom of hesitating in the face of change, he can better accelerate the strategy in achieving the vision by both empowering and engaging his team. Through enlightenment to his ID, instead of making his journey with a machete and a whip, he glides to success like a skier coming down the slope….with many sking partners accompaning him along the way.

There are things we know. There are things we know that we do not know (like how to do brain surgery,…at least for most of us). The pockets of ignorance fall within a third category, of things that we don’t know that we don’t know. But why care? Why bother to try to know? Because it is our own ignorance that stands in the way of all we want and is to a large degree behind our great life regrets. I knew a  doctor in L.A. who worked diligently, if not obsessively to advance his proficiency in nuerological studies and build up a medical practice. He ended up with 2 ex wives and 4 children who hated him and had to face serious personal health problems in his late 40’s. Only then did he decide to stand back and partner with another doctor to run a four day a week GP clinic. There were some real pockets of ignorance there….. How about the career military professional who was ignorant of the long term impact on children being raised with little fatherly guidance and now lives in the pain and agony of knowing that his children had become angry dysfunctional adults. Are we fiddling while Rome burns? What about divorces becoming rampant in this country? Many pockets of ignorance here. What’s at stake? Relationships, our health,vitality, love, quality longevity with our lives, optimism, meaningful career advancement, and financial peace to name just a few.

So now what?
Intensify or begin your path of self discovery. Be honest about who you are. As Mahatma Gandhi said “We must become the change we want to see”. Seek out feedback from trusted colleagues and friends; seek out mentors and coaches. Be willing to find a more legitimate truth about how things are. I do not  believe that the truth is a dead end to how things are, but rather that there are higher levels of truth more legitimate that those of the past that we are currently comfortable with. In your journey toward finding these higher truths, question, test, be the Thomas Edison of your life, constantly testing and trying out new theories, till you find the filament that lights brighter and lasts longer. Legitimize these truths by rigorously proving them to be so. Where to search….where your life is not what you wish it to be and where your dreams and visions are yet to take you. By finding these  higher legitimate truths, we begin to notice things differently and in turn respond differently. There are obstacles and booby traps in our paths, let us avoid them or at least mitigate the impact and harm they may bring. There are also many golden nuggets in our path daily…as we begin to notice them, let us pick them up, let us appreciate them and be grateful.

“There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”
Hamlet, Act i.Sc.5.: William Shakespeare

Business coaching provides the leader and the organization an opportunity to shift current strategies in a manner that is custom tailored and specifically designed for them. In a time of global competition and information over load, maintaining one’s personal balance while supporting the motivation and direction of the team can become difficult to say the least. Day to day pressures often prevent us from standing back and making a fresh assessment of where we are and what’s the best course to set for tomorrow. Like wise, as the role of the servant leader emerges as a model for greatness, it compels us to seek new ways to refine our business acumen.

The following is a brief summary of some key elements associated with business coaching:

• What are the benefits
• Who can benefit from business coaching
• What are the qualities that make up a valued coach
• When is it time to consider hiring the business coach
• How does the process work

What are the potential benefits of business coaching?
Involvement with a business coaching group can be an intervention strategy aimed at making a needed shift within your business without the cost, disruption or risk of major personnel changes. Likewise working groups can become ingrained in repetitive “in the box” approaches. Excuses for inaction may manifest themselves with the adage of “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” towards running the business, this is a slogan of the complacent, the arrogant or the scared. Business coaching can provide a catalyst for needed change. When business coaching is brought on board superior business results with wiser leaders and highly engaged associates can occur.

Business vision and strategy must ultimately be supported and rooted at the highest levels of leadership within the organization. The leader provides the resources and encouragement to stay on task with the overall direction of the business. The accountability brought to bear by an objective coach can support the leader in staying focused on his or her new/revised strategy for success.

Imagine standing at the end of your day having the confidence that your team engaged in the best activities and did the best they could that day. Though this ideal may seem elusive, it’s not. With a wise approach you can have a strong sense of knowing you have done your best and that, my friend, should always lead to a good night’s sleep.

Who Can Benefit from business coaching?
Most leaders can. Potential benefit can be predicted by their ability to be coached, their integrity and their sense of responsibility for the welfare of the team. Self-consumed leaders who engage in duplicitous behavior need not apply as their values conflict with the necessary requirements for candor and integrity that are essential for success.

Those optimistic leaders of good character, who are trusted and respected within your organization that are mature enough to engage in candid conversation are the biggest potential winners. They must “want to” improve however, ”need to” is not the right motivation for success. The wise leader begins with a wise vision and then effectively communicates, encourages support, and expects participation in achieving a common vision that benefits both the associates and the company.

The associates almost always do. Employee engagement tends to be an under utilized resource for new ideas, and commitment to results. Do not confuse empowerment with engagement however; these are 2 separate distinctions. Engaged associates create a culture where “I want to” and “I am making a major contribution to my team” exists. As the young lady said to her potential spouse “don’t confuse being empowered with being engaged, you are empowered to propose, but I am not engaged!”. Employee engagement teams can be a terrific centerpiece in propelling your organization to the next level of successes.

What are the qualities that define a valuable Coach?
A proven track record of success is foundational. Next there must be a “chemistry” with the leader(s) and team, trust your intuition here; you should feel confident and encouraged with them. Beyond this are much more qualitative measures such as candor. The value of candor must permeate an authentic coaching relationship. Political correctness needs to be checked at the door, otherwise time, effort and monies are doomed to be wasted. Trust is perhaps the greatest priority and liability. Within the candid discussions, confidential and sensitive information may be revealed. Impeccability in confidentiality must exist. Referrals from trusted friends are best when seeking a business coaching group. Willingness to tie your results to their fees for a truly win-win relationship is also a plus.

When is it time to consider hiring a business coach?
It is best to consider a relationship with a business coach when business is going well or at least OK. It is always better to hire a personal work out coach when you are healthy rather than waiting for a major illness to occur.

Why do it?
Do it for your life, your associates’ lives, and your customers. The value shows up in the details of your daily life…being healthy, having peace of mind, meaningful relationships with family and co-worker. Like wise living long/living strong and making a difference you are proud of. Staying focused on looking around the upcoming proverbial corners to see and prepare for what is coming at you next. As the Boy Scouts say “Be Prepared” with an ongoing anticipatory approach toward your business and living a balanced personal life. Highly effective organizations produce goods and provide services safely, productively and at a high level of quality/reliability all at a competitive cost. The components of cost, productivity, safety and quality are interdependent and must exist in the workplace symbiotically with one another.

How does the process of coaching work?
It varies based on what you wish to accomplish and with whom you are working. Some common denominators may be (1.) Clarifying your vision for both your business and your personal life. (2.) Defining your results & expectations. (3.) Identifying core imperatives needed to succeed. (4.) Refining/revising your daily routine to support your results and expectations. (5.)Lastly periodic accountability sessions with your coach (usually weekly) reviewing your progress against agreed upon metrics and plans for next steps.

Good coaches facilitate making things simple. Simple should not be confused with easy, it is much more difficult to find the simplicity needed for success than it is to use a complicated, convoluted, and confusing approach toward improvement. “KISS” is a mistaken approach, rarely do things start out clear and concise, rather “MISS”, Make It Simple Sam, is the wiser approach. One must work hard at condensing the key strategies and key values into crisp, clear and unambiguous actions. The result: clarity of purpose, credibility of leadership, and integrity in the organization. In the final analysis however, you must be ready, willing, and able to be coached.

“There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”
Hamlet, Act i.Sc.5.: William Shakespeare