LISTENING FROM THE HEART
Originally published in The Mancos Times – April 4, 2012
In my listening of others – myself as well – I often hear how a critical event or a poignant relationship went South, how something that meant perhaps the world to us failed and with it great hopes and dreams went unrealized. I hear how life becomes meaningless and full of despair at these times. Moving forward and “getting on” with our lives afterwards can seem oh so difficult and even feel futile as if we were just stepping through our days like the “walking dead.” Certainly time must pass as we move through and past this pain and disappointment. There are indeed stages of grief and loss, with denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance (Elizabeth Kubler Ross) that we must journey through, so a period must pass before we begin our healing – to begin our new beginning.
Tragically, however, for some of us, we often find ourselves immobilized and mentally going in circles with this for a long, long, long time. It is as if we are in a coffin cocoon, trapped and doomed with no way out, dead and buried alive in our regrets, our anger, our frustrations.
What if the best cure for this lengthy malaise was a simple prescription of “CHANGE MY QUESTIONS?” Instead of the disempowering question we have been asking ourselves, we make an intentional effort to change them into EMPOWERING QUESTIONS.
When we ask those dis-empowering questions like – WHY did they? Why didn’t I? I can’t believe they…? As we demonize others, demonize ourselves, make ourselves victims of the past, we only dig ourselves deeper into a sense of despondency and helplessness. When we find ourselves in a hole perhaps the first order of business is to stop digging.
So, try it. Let us change the questions we ask ourselves, change them to empowering ones such as:
– What will I learn from this to make me a better lover, partner…worker…parent…friend?
– How will I take this experience and use it to find ever more joy inner peace, more FUN?
– What will I do differently to keep this from happening again with another person or in a similar circumstance?
I have come to believe that our path ahead and important life answers lie with the questions we ask ourselves.
I believe these questions do direct our thoughts and efforts. They lead us to what it is we either notice or ignore, actually creating a path, a future course to navigate ahead for us. As such, we must be mindful to ensure we are asking ourselves questions that are lifting us up, and nurturing us toward success and hope. Questions that direct us toward constructive improvement.
These self-talk questions manifest a path that either takes us to greater heights of serenity and joy, or one that has us descend into a hole of hopelessness, gloom and doom. Or perhaps one that just has us futility go round and round, living out the definition of insanity daily (doing the same thing over and over, getting the same results) eventually becoming exhausted, angry, frustrated or resigned with people, with ourselves, eventually being conditioned to believe that mediocrity and resigned survival interrupted with going to dinner, shopping or going fishing, is as good as it will get. I say change the questions – change your life!
Perhaps, my friends, the answers we seek indeed do lie with the questions we ask?
Michael Starr is the owner of Executive Coaching Services. He can be reached at www.executivecoachingservices.net or by calling 501-585-1302