LISTENING FROM THE HEART
Originally published in The Mancos Times – January 11, 2012
In my listening of others, (myself as well) I occasionally hear disappointment with ourselves over falling down in an interpersonal interaction and feeling angst over it. We feel upset that we did not handle a particular communication well perhaps being short or angry…or impatient with another? Perhaps we became self-righteous and arrogant with our desire to prove ourselves right. Is this not, however, just part of being human or part of being imperfect as well? Are we letting the desire to be perfect stand in the way of the good with another?
Often in life it is not the initial occurrence that produces the greatest harm in a relationship, but the subsequent negative responses and reactions thereafter the subsequent “aftershocks” that we perpetuate with our defensiveness or need to be “right that produces the greatest harm. So perhaps when you slip, when I slip, we might be better served to stand back a bit, maybe walk away for a while and regather our wits and composure, then remind ourselves, in remembering, that the greatest gift we can ever hope to give to another is our compassion, understanding and love. Perhaps we will say “I’m sorry” for our part of that stuff? Perhaps we will gain clarity and have empathy for the other – they couldn’t help but be themselves. With this, we just might create an opening to embrace the goodness and grand qualities that attracted us to the other in the first place.
It is not the fact that something negative undoubtedly did happen that is the significant issue. What is most important, though, is mitigating it from escalating beyond the initial upset and limiting duration of time that we allow it to continue, to take away our joy and diminish our inner peace that counts most. So let us get up soon and reconcile and heal with that interpersonal slip or trip or fall. And laugh together once again ever stronger with our bond. Is it not more important to nurture and have our relationship blossom and grow stronger that counts most? Certainly, in the grand scheme, reconciliation should trump any short-term personal need of being right. Peace be with you.
Michael Starr is the owner of Executive Coaching Services. He can be reached at www.executivecoachingservices.net or by calling 501-585-1302