LISTENING FROM THE HEART
Originally published March 29, 2009
“The range of what we think and do is limited by what we fail to notice. And because we fail to notice that we fail to notice, there is little we can do to change; until we notice how failing to notice shapes our thoughts and deeds.” Quote…R.D. Laing from Stephen R. Covey’s The 8th Habit page 43
Our days are full of opportunities and obstacles, knowing which is which, and then assessing them accurately makes the difference in how “Hard” or “Easy” the day flows. We all need to tune out unneeded information to prevent sensory overload and pick out the wheat from the chaff so to speak. This discernment is fundamental in allowing us to be effective in what we observe and interact with…there are things to be done, people to meet…”I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep” so goes the poem by Robert Frost Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening.” So naturally we must quickly sort through all the inputs, conditions and interactions around us to accomplish just about anything. Over time, we develop our own patterns for filtering out what is important. Unfortunately, as our unique filtering mechanisms evolve for us, there are key reactions and conditions that we either stay or become oblivious to. In these key pockets of ignorance are the great opportunities for us to advance our own condition. The challenge is how do we find these pockets of ignorance? How do we see that which cannot be seen?
Let me digress to an example of the results oriented no nonsense leader. He has a clear vision of the end result and the needed actions to achieve the goal. His strategy is sound and the logic solid in making the journey from the mediocre conditions of today to the great successes for tomorrow. But embedded within this keen strategic mindset is a self-limiting pocket of ignorance. The pocket for this example will be called “ID” Ignorance of Defensiveness (in others). Well versed in the normal process of team evolution sometimes called “Forming” “Storming” “Norming” and “Conforming” he justifies resistance to new ideas as part of the normal reaction in the “storming” step toward progressing change to a sustainable process. Because of his “ID” he spends far more energy and time than he needs to, had he been aware of his “ID”. By anticipating defensiveness in others, being patient, and communicating in a respectful manner that acknowledges the wisdom of hesitating in the face of change, he can better accelerate the strategy in achieving the vision by both empowering and engaging his team. Through enlightenment to his ‘ID”, instead of making his journey with a machete and a whip, he glides to success like a skier coming down the slope…with many skiing partners accompanying him along the way.
There are things we know. There are things we know that we do not know (like how to do brain surgery…at least for most of us). The pockets of ignorance fall within a third category, of things that “we don’t know, that we don’t know”. But why care? Why bother to try to know? Because it is our own ignorance that stands in the way of all we want and is to a large degree behind our great life regrets. I knew a doctor in L.A. who worked diligently, if not obsessively to advance his proficiency in neurological studies and build up a medical practice. He ended up with 2 ex-wives and 4 children who hated him and had to face serious personal health problems in his late 40’s. Only then did he decide to stand back and partner with another doctor to run a four day a week GP clinic. There were some real pockets of ignorance there…how about the career military-professional who was ignorant of the long-term impact on children being raised with little fatherly guidance and now lives in the pain and agony of knowing that his children had become angry dysfunctional adults. Are we fiddling while Rome burns? What about divorces becoming rampant in this country? Many pockets of ignorance here. What’s at stake? Relationships, our health, vitality, love, quality longevity with our lives, optimism, meaningful career advancement, and financial peace to name just a few.
So now what?
Intensify or begin your path of self-discovery. Be honest about who you are. As Mahatma Gandhi said “We must become the change we want to see.” Seek out feedback from trusted colleagues and friends; seek out mentors and coaches. Be willing to find a more legitimate truth about how things are. I do not believe that the truth is a dead end to how things are, but rather that there are higher levels of truth more legitimate then those of the past that we are currently comfortable with. In your journey toward finding these higher truths, question, test, be the Thomas Edison of your life, constantly testing and trying out new theories, till you find the filament that lights brighter and lasts longer. Legitimize these truths by rigorously proving them to be so. Where to search…where your life is not what you wish it to be and where your dreams and visions are yet to take you. By finding these higher legitimate truths, we begin to notice things differently and in turn respond differently. There are obstacles and booby traps in our paths, let us avoid them or at least mitigate the impact and harm they may bring. There are also many golden nuggets in our path daily…as we begin to notice them, let us pick them up, let us appreciate them and be grateful.
“There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”
Hamlet, Act i.Sc.5: William Shakespeare