LISTENING FROM THE HEART
Originally published in The Mancos Times – August 8, 2012
In my listening to others – myself as well – I often hear a tone of guilt and inadequacy with our inability to progress an “important” and “needed” improvement. Frequently I hear us make those self-recriminating comments such as “I should have done…” or “I need to do…” How we diminish our own sense of self efficacy and set ourselves up for failure when we believe willpower “should” be enough. When we rely on willpower alone to create our greater joy, increase our inner peace, or feel a true sense of accomplishment/contribution with important initiatives, with relationships as well… are we not deluding ourselves? How often have we believed that a conclusion deduced from sound logic is motivation enough to proceed with a “NEEDED” change. Conclusions without a compelling vision are not a mission, but a mere direction. Willpower without a deeply rooted desire, without a strong motivation that comes from within, is but a temporary effort that is doomed to be a short lived focus, because our heart is not aligned with this goal. When our “desire power” kicks in, there is little need for willpower and our efforts become effortless. When our excitement and hope for what can be overtakes us, it “pulls” us forward and keeps us in motion as gravity does with the fresh mountain stream that easily winds its way through the forests … unlike attitudes of loss avoidance and fear that push on us like a cattle prod moving a herd, that stalls immediately when the “punishment” is removed. Willpower alone is a “head thing” with no roots to make it solid and firm and will most likely fall like a tree rooted in loose sand subjected to the first storm. Willpower alone is not a DESIRE from our heart, and because of this, it is destined to fail.
That said, how do we make those changes we wish for our lives without willpower, without such a large reliance on our rational logical minds? Perhaps the answer lies with our perspective, our point of view in seeing and feeling what are our callings and wants. Does a mother care for a child out of willpower? Does the Olympian practice their sport by thinking “I should” or “I need to” do it. I think not. There is within them a strong desire and motivation to do this. Perhaps we too can create this motivation for ourselves by standing back and getting clarity with what our great life desires are, believing in the vision, feeling the benefit, being relaxed about the possibility and timing of what can be, then making our efforts non-efforts by making them fun, making our “doings” a true labor of love. If we can see that this change in our behavior is indeed fun, if we feel the timeless flow of being engaged with this work and believe it to be our calling, will we not be drawn towards doing those things that promote our desires and dreams, effortlessly, like the man picking up golden nuggets from the stream bed? Willpower will not be required. So perhaps the million dollar question becomes “what will it take to increase my desire, fun and excitement with my chosen goal focus? And until you are ready with this burning desire for improvement to manifest itself with your conviction and commitment, be at peace with “what is”, free of guilt, and have faith that the time will come when it is meant to arrive, and until then, things are as they are meant to be. Peace be with you dear friends.
Michael Starr is the owner of Executive Coaching Services. He can be reached at www.executivecoachingservices.net or by calling 501-585-1302.