LISTENING FROM THE HEART
Originally published in The Mancos Times – July 4, 2012
In my listening to others – myself as well – one theme very common to many of us is our inability to see “what is” as relates to people, including ourselves. Yes, obviously we see the wet rain, the green trees and the flying sparrow very much for what they are. No expectation with the frog flying or the chicken producing milk. As ludicrous as these impossibilities are and irrefutably apparent to all, we have a rather disparate set of expectations and realities when it comes to our family, friends, our lovers, our acquaintances and frankly people in general.
Perhaps it might be appropriate to clarify the term “what is.” My viewpoint here with this, is that it is the reality of what is taking place … someone is consistently angry, someone frequently fails to follow up with a commitment, someone often misrepresents their actions, or someone is almost always true to their word and does what they say they will do. “What is” has no judgments – it is the indisputable observable action or inaction. “What is” can be videotaped and documented with the same level of credibility we would give to the fact that turtles can hide their head and legs inside their shells. “What is” has no WHY … it JUST IS. To say that turtle is hiding in her shell because she is tired is a judgment, whereas saying that turtle is hiding in its shell is “what is.” This I feel is a crucial and subtle distinction in how we view others and often miss the mark with “what is.”
My experience is that when we get “what is” about others we can begin to know who they are, and then and only then, are we able to have empathy for them as well. When we see others clearly without judgment for who they cannot help being, we also will have the clarity to make decisions as to whether we wish to engage or be involved with them, and if so, decide what boundaries we are best served to put in play with them. When we get what is we can choose our actions and responses wisely … when we see a rattle snake, we don’t stop to pet it we either avoid it or kill it. That my friends is “Wisdom 101.” What is the alternative to accepting things … especially people for what they are? Is it not frustration, anger, disappointment, sadness? There is no rational or healthy alternative to accepting what is. That said, clearly acceptance is not agreement either. I accept that wasps sting … don’t like it or agree with this though.
I have spent the last two weeks with a self-imposed introspection in questioning and challenging myself with this very topic “WHAT IS? WHAT IS. ” Guess what? I have found a freedom and lightness that is unprecedented for myself over these soon to be 62 years.
Lastly step ONE is to see what is, step TWO is perhaps to accept it for what it is, and lastly the THIRD step is to embrace it and learn to dance with it, knowing when to lead and speak, knowing when to follow and listen, and sometimes just knowing when to quietly walk away.
Michael Starr is the owner of Executive Coaching Services. He can be reached at www.executivecoachingservices.net or by calling 501-585-1302.